I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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