he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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