it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
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your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
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I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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