I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
