Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
