and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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