Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
