I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
COCAINE IS GR8
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
