I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
