I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
