i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
