Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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