benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
