"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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