We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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