I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
