can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i now understand why vodka
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
