I'm drive I can fine osifer
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
