I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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