He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
