rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
