The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
