Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
