Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
