I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
