I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
