Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
