remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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