We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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