yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
