I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
