his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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