just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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