If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We are two peas in an std pod
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
