So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
