I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
