She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he shaved USA in his pubs
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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