I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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