Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
