apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
