No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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