Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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