Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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