M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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