can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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