he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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