i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
