I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
