he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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