Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
