i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
