I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
