She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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