i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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