I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
