well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
