Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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