There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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