Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize