Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
