she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
