Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
