marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
