it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They took my balls.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
