Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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