I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
