Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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