@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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