I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
