So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
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Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order