Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.