if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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