your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
