in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
