you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
