His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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