Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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