So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
