I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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