Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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