But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
