im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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