Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
