If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
